Thoughts of Procrastination

Current setting: IC 142 to Amsterdam, window seat, not even as full as the DB app said. Supposed mission: to save my master's thesis so that everything makes sense, is feasible and, of course, generates new knowledge. Actual mission: to write a blog so that I feel productive, even though I'm not doing anything that I actually need to do at the moment.

Even if it is procrastination, I wanted to give a few updates anyway. Is it just me, or has time been passing twice as fast for a few years now? Or have our lives just become more exciting and that's why it feels that way? Either way, I can't really believe that 2024 is almost halfway over. I probably don't need to say it either, but as every blog makes me realise: every moment is too short.

But before the philosophy gets out of hand again, here are a few highlights from the last few weeks; at the beginning of April, the Lüni people visited Rotterdam! Unfortunately without Greta, but finding a date proved to be relatively difficult. We are just far too busy! Nevertheless, I cycled home full of joy, because Joni and Jonny were already waiting for me there. As if they had been chilling there for weeks and were now part of the furniture, they looked at me from the sofas. After a round of cuddles, it was time to move on, because what would a visit be without the obligatory detour to my favourite vegan pizza bar? And that's where Joni became an icon, because his handling of e-mopeds was not yet fully optimised. The window pane of the pizza bar almost fell victim to him - literally. The sight was so funny that none of us sitting inside even thought of helping him. But it's a good thing he's already grown up and actually managed to park the scooter ALONE and without injuring anyone else.

ESN-Tuesday was also not to be missed, where I somehow ended up dancing on the bar (I bumped my head on a lamp at least 5 times). The next day, after a cosy breakfast, we went into the city to enjoy the sun on a terrace in the Oude Haven. After a campus tour, we sat in the sun again in front of the Smitse. Yes, you read that right, there was a whole day of sunshine! In Rotterdam! As if the weather had been happy with us. We soaked up even more vitamin D at the Kralingse Bos before heading home to cook. We spent the last day strolling through the city, browsing through second-hand shops, stopping off at some cafés and ending the evening in the jazz bar at Rotterdam Central Station.

As always, my heart was a little broken when it was time to say goodbye. As always, I found everything unfair and geographical distance a totally unnecessary invention. But yes, I know that you should always enjoy the time you have together to the fullest - and we definitely did.

To quickly dispel the sadness, we went to a jazz bar with Greta and Silvi the next day. It had actually been on our list for ages, but somehow we'd never managed to go. And it was unbelievably good! There was a special jazz Latino night where we couldn't sit for long and let our hips swing (although mine were more like a square than a circle). For whatever reason, I thought it would be a really good idea to go to a cardio grit class with Silvi at 9am the next day. I really don't know how she always pulls it off (Silvi is just superwoman or something), but I think in between I really saw the light at the end of the tunnel. At least the light was only on for 30 minutes and then stayed off for a 3 hour nap.

In general, these were really musical days - I loved it! Because the day before our last exam (forever!) we went straight to a classical concert. And it was super impressive because the pianist really played for over an hour without sheet music. We also had a glass of wine and then Silvi, Greta and I went straight to bed - on the assumption that sleeping would change something in our exam preparation.

The last exam was also celebrated in style, and somehow Silvi, a few course mates and I ended up in a karaoke bar. Yes, I belted out my all-time classic Umbrella. Hopefully nobody remembers those 3 minutes exactly.

I continued with a lot of time on campus, in the gym and boxing, and tired evenings in the living room. Who would have thought that a Master's degree programme is no walk in the park. And then came the next event, where the girls and the ESN people were involved: Kingsday. For those of you who haven't looked into Dutch traditions before: I don't quite know what they celebrate (the royal birthday or something like that) but basically the whole country has a huge party and wears orange. For us, that mainly meant a day of dancing and having a good time, which everyone could use in the stress of the thesis.

Then I was off to Berlin, from where I'm currently travelling back to Rotterdam. It was really chilled, even though it was really empty in the house without my parents. And as always when I'm in Berlin, I felt homesick and wanderlust at the same time. You know when you get really longing for people and places from time to time? Although I was in Berlin, I suddenly missed my Berlin people and the countless evenings at Schmittz and Gleisi. At the same time, I wanted to stroll through the streets of the Lower East Side in New York with Zoya again and have a coffee with Kesha in our beloved Dillons. I longed for the spontaneous dinner evenings with Silvi and Greta, the boxing sessions on campus and bike rides with Nici after our ESN meetings. Somehow I missed it all at once. And yes, I still think it's unfair! Because I would love to have everyone around me all the time. Now another phase of my life is coming to an end and this time it doesn't just mean graduation, but the absolute end of my time at university. It's funny. I'll be living in Berlin again in the summer and doing an internship. And then? Probably buy a one-way ticket to Singapore and escape reality. All of a sudden, everyone realises the uncertainty of the next few years. Which traineeship can you get, where should your career go? How are you supposed to make such fundamental decisions when you are usually overwhelmed by the weekly planning? And yes, everything has always worked out in the past and somehow you always find your way. But it doesn't feel like that at all. Even the knowledge that every step is okay and will take you further doesn't reassure me at the moment.

Do you remember that scene from The Wild Chicks where Melanie or Frieda are holding a jam jar and say: "Why can't you capture moments in jars? And when you long for them, just smell the jar and relive the memory?". That's exactly what I want. Lots of jars with all those wonderful moments floating in them. Just two weeks by the sea and relive the incredible time we've had so far. Of course, you should always be in the here and now and enjoy the present. But sometimes that's easier for me when the past is present and the future is less uncertain.

Well, enough melancholy! Now it's time to enjoy the last few weeks in Rotterdam, plan a trip to London and look forward to the upcoming time in Berlin. So, lots of love, big hugs and a jam jar full of wonderful moments to everyone!